Parenting is one of the greatest responsibilities a person can be given. Yet, it is also one of the most emotionally demanding. Amidst the daily challenges, many parents find themselves falling into the habit of shouting, threatening, or punishing their children when they misbehave. But while punishment may stop a child’s behavior temporarily, it rarely teaches them why their actions were wrong-or how to do better next time.
Raise Them Right, Not in Fear. The Power of Positive Discipline in Parenting
Raise Them Right, Not in Fear: The Power of Positive Discipline in Parenting
Wafi Shihad, CEO, Qaaf Academy
Parenting is one of the greatest responsibilities a person can be given. Yet, it is also one of the most emotionally demanding. Amidst the daily challenges, many parents find themselves falling into the habit of shouting, threatening, or punishing their children when they misbehave. But while punishment may stop a child’s behavior temporarily, it rarely teaches them why their actions were wrong-or how to do better next time.
There is a better way. One that is rooted in love, wisdom, and long-term growth: positive discipline.
The Problem with Punishment
Punishment often stems from frustration or anger. A parent might raise their voice or inflict a consequence out of an immediate need to control the situation. But this kind of discipline, driven by emotion, frequently leads to resentment, fear, or secretive behavior in children. It might fix the behavior for the moment, but it damages trust and does little to nurture moral development.
Children punished harshly tend to either rebel or withdraw emotionally. They may comply on the outside, but inside, they are confused, hurt, or disconnected. This approach does not raise emotionally healthy individuals. It raises either people-pleasers or silent rebels.
What Is Positive Discipline?
Positive discipline is not permissiveness. It doesn’t mean letting children do whatever they want. Rather, it is a conscious choice to guide, teach, and correct with both firmness and kindness.
It focuses on long-term character development instead of short-term obedience. The goal is not just to stop bad behavior, but to help the child understand, grow, and become responsible.
This approach emphasizes:
The Prophetic Model of Discipline
The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ gave us the perfect example in every role, including that of a caregiver. He never struck a child, nor did he humiliate or embarrass them. Instead, he corrected with wisdom, patience, and love.
There is a famous incident where a young man approached the Prophet ﷺ and asked for permission to commit zina (fornication). Most of us would respond with shock or anger. But the Prophet ﷺ calmly reasoned with him, asking, “Would you like it for your mother? Your sister?” The boy responded, “No.” The Prophet ﷺ gently placed his hand on the young man’s chest and made du‘a for him. The boy left changed—not by fear, but by understanding and compassion.
This is the essence of positive discipline. It does not ignore wrong behavior; it addresses it in a way that preserves the child’s dignity and opens the door to transformation.
Practical Strategies for Positive Discipline
1. Stay calm and present
Yelling clouds your message. Calmness helps your child feel secure even while being corrected.
2. Connect before you correct
Make sure your child feels emotionally safe. A child who feels understood is more likely to listen.
3. Use logical consequences
Instead of arbitrary punishments, help the child understand the real-life result of their behavior. If they make a mess, they clean it up. If they hurt someone, they must apologize and make amends.
4. Model what you want to see
If you want your child to be respectful, show respect—even when you are frustrated. Children absorb your actions more than your words.
5. Be consistent
Children feel safe when they know the rules don’t change. Follow through gently but firmly.
6. Guide with du‘a
Behind every parenting effort, let there be a heart constantly praying: “O Allah, guide my child and make them righteous.”
Discipline Is a Form of Love
True discipline is not about control; it is about responsibility. It is a form of love that aims to teach a child how to navigate life with integrity, faith, and emotional intelligence.
Our goal should not be to raise children who fear us—but children who trust us, learn from us, and are equipped to do what is right, even when we’re not around.
Positive discipline is not the easy route. It takes patience, consistency, and self-control. But the rewards are profound: a strong bond with your child, a home filled with mutual respect, and children who grow into emotionally balanced and morally upright adults.
Let us raise our children not with fear, but with wisdom. Not through power, but through love.
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